I was in Brussels recently for CentOS Connect and FOSDEM, the largest open source software conference in the world, doing what you do at open source conferences — drinking Belgian beer, talking about Linux, and trying to find a bathroom.
Which got me thinking…
In Europe, bathrooms cost money. It’s annoying if you’re American. You want to pee? That’ll be 50 cents. Maybe a euro. There’s a turnstile and a payment terminal. They’d charge the Manneken Pis of they could!
They used to make you fumble for coins, but now you can tap-to-pay with Google or Apple, which is more convenient, but still.
I started joking with the Europeans about it. “Why do you guys so into bathroom capitalism?” They’d chuckle a bit, but seemed somewhat confused. Then, I’d explain further.
In the US, bathrooms are free. Walk into any Starbucks, gas station, or McDonald’s. Free toilet. Free toilet paper. Free soap. Free water. No turnstile. No questions asked. I could literally steal rolls of toilet paper from Starbucks, but nobody does it. It’s bathroom Socialism. Who’s the hardcore capitalist now, Donny (big Lebowski reference)? The most “capitalist” country in the world runs its bathrooms on a communist principle, from each according to his ability, to each according to his need to pee.
Even more hilarious. In Europe, you can walk into a hospital and get treated for free, but you’d better have exact change for the toilet on the way there. In the US, a trip to the ER might bankrupt you, but every gas station bathroom from Maine to California is open to the public. America: Capitalist healthcare, communist bathrooms. Europe: Socialist healthcare, capitalist bathrooms. I don’t understand the world.
The labels we throw around don’t survive contact with a European bathroom turnstile, but least the beer was good!